Before I was a priest, I had a job and lived in Rochester with some friends from college.
As life would have it, once a whole bunch of flies got in the apartment. At least a dozen, maybe 20 flies.
It was a shock to come home from work and find them all buzzing around. Do you think we calmly remove the screen on the windows, and introduced our guests back to their natural home?
No! The flies were annoying and landing on all our stuff, even in the kitchen! We went at them with a vengeance. It was quick, and merciless. Like Samson after a victorious battle, fly-swatters in hand.
It was easy for us to eliminate the flies in this way because we were, well, superior to them. According to our worldview, they were expendable, a nuisance to eliminate in our unforgiving anger. These flies were not in our plans, they weren’t on the lease of the apartment, and we were lords of our own house, so they had to go.
It’s a rather absurd example of vengeance, but allows us to turn more deeply into our readings we have today. Because let's face it, flies all around the house are one thing, but it is all too easy to act in vengeful, resentful, or unforgiving ways towards another human being. Maybe even to want to swat them away, for they have bothered us, hurt us.
People can hurt us. We may be very hurt by terrible things that have been done to us in life. Other times we get bothered about pretty insignificant matters. Big or little, sometimes we just can't forgive. We harbor grudges. We cling to forgiveness, sometimes for years, decades. Perhaps right now there is someone or some situation that comes to mind from your past or present...
Why would we forgive when we have been at times grievously wronged?
To answer
why we would forgive, we must pause, reflect upon our reaction, put down the flyswatter so to speak, and consider who it is we may find we can’t forgive.
That someone who hurt us, that individual that maybe has no interest in reconciliation with us, that very person... Jesus died for them...Jesus loves them. Jesus offers pardon to with infinite mercy to them, begging their souls to repent, to turn to him, to ask for forgiveness.
We may not look upon those who have harmed us with the eyes of Jesus. We may not have open arms ready to forgive. We may be too caught up in the whirlwind of our lives, spinning from one task to the other, week after week, month after month, perhaps inadvertently squeezing out God's grace because we are stretched so thin, in a quest for efficiency that only makes us more and more empty and unable to forgive.
But let's look at that second reading again, from St. Paul to the Romans. Our lives are not our own. As Catholic Christians, we are the Lord's. Whether we live or die. Whether we are harmed by other people in ways that we can never be undone, bothered in lesser matters, or not harmed at all, we are the Lord's. Christ died for those who have harmed us, and He has died for us too.
At our baptism, we became disciples of Jesus. But that's not just an intellectual assent or having good feels towards Jesus. Being a disciple of Jesus is, to use a Biblical analogy, to take the yoke of Jesus upon us. "Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am meek and humble of heart, patient, merciful, always ready to forgive,” is the invitation all the baptized have received. Here's the key about the yoke of the Christian, for yoke in the time of Jesus often had at least two slots. What Jesus is saying is to follow Him is to be yoked right next to him, traveling through life, seeing injustice, seeing others who have gravely harmed us, always looking to Jesus' response, to follow His reaction when we're too upset to know how to respond to others’ sins against us. Yoked to Jesus, we disciples follow Jesus' approach, even when we are wronged in the worst ways.
He who said, "father, forgive them, they know not what they are doing,” when He hung upon the cross gives us the power to forgive others their sins against us. The living God himself, opens up to us the divine gift of forgiveness, because on our own we simply cannot go there, cannot forgive, it's too painful, we just can't even. Slowly but surely, we adopt Jesus' worldview, we practice forgiveness like the Buffalo Bills practice a decisive play to beat the Carolina. And as we follow Jesus and practice forgiving, we can begin to look upon everyone else as Jesus looks at them, a beloved son or daughter of God, one that Jesus died for.
The way we look at someone else matters. Our Gospel parable’s most striking image is the moment of weakness of the big debtor. He has just been freed from an immense debt, but comes upon one – let’s call him the little debtor -- who owes him some money, a LOT less money. He picks up the fly swatter so to speak and lets this guy have it. The Gospel says he seized the man, grabbing him by the throat, putting him and his family in prison to get what he deserved. It's all about his plans, his being in control, his view of justice. But it brings vengeance and hatred.
Isn’t the big debtor being absurd? Hasn’t he just been forgiven a great amount? It’s even more absurd if you calculate the cost of the debts in the parable into today's US dollars. Some translations use monetary figures that we can convert into our currency to reveal that the big debtor owed his master $8.5 billion dollars. That's billion with a B. The little debtor owed a debt of $8,000. All this hatred over $8,000 after being forgiven for 8.5 billion? That’s absurd. Anger in this type of vengeance makes us lose our minds.
But it doesn’t mean forgiveness make us helpless victims to the sins of others. We need to remove ourselves from situations of harmful abuse, and take steps to avoid certain future harm. Once I needed end a friendship someone was taking advantage of me emotionally, and really sinning against me. It took forever to forgive that person for years of hurt, but I asked for Jesus’ help, and He led me to it after months and months of prayer.
May we plead with God for the grace to forgive as much as we plead with God to forgive our own personal sins. Unless we forgive, our sins will not be forgiven. When we don’t forgive, wrath and anger consume us, prolong the effects of others sins against us, maximize our hurt and block our healing.
This takes time. Not just time to heal and let our angry heads simmer and cool. It literally takes time to forgive - to sacrifice the moments, minutes or hours to make an intention in our heart, to stop the cycle of accusation and resentment, time to call someone on the phone to talk, to drop a text/email or note in the mail. We may not be able to speak to the person, but we need not hold back our forgiveness.
Forgiving the sins of others is so important, I’d like to invite you to a moment of prayerful reflection now. Please recall that person you thought of earlier, someone who you still feel hurt from. Pray with me, please. “Jesus, you love this person who has wronged me. Help me to forgive. In the name of Jesus, I do forgive that person. And when the devil tries to bring up all the baggage and hurt, Jesus, help me to renew this act of forgiveness again, I pray this in Jesus name.”
May we take that petition of the Our Father seriously at this Mass and every Mass, and every time we pray that prayer. Forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors.
We are in debt more than 8.5 billion to the Lord Jesus, but he loves us, and offers a spot next to him on the yoke. He looks at all who have harmed us with love and the offer of mercy. We can do it, we can forgive. Jesus will train us how to forgive, to be merciful, to be a Catholic Christian disciple.